Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Insufficient Memory


CMDA Devotional August 29, 2012
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Psalm 39:12: “Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping.  For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were.”

As a resident, do you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing?  For me, it’s a daily occurrence!  I feel inadequate and unprepared, regardless how much I thought I prepared.  Our computer charting system occasionally pops up with an “insufficient memory” window; quite often I wish I could claim that phrase as mine!  As a Christian, there are also times where I feel inadequate.  I’m supposed to have all the hope in the world, but I’m exhausted, stressed out, and haven’t eaten in what seems like days—all for my calling to share Christ’s love with the hurting.  I try to quote verses I memorized growing up, reminding myself, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13), but sometimes fatigue overwhelms me, and I wonder how I can possibly continue.  I daily (often hourly!) have to remind myself who I am serving, and that “The one who called [me] is faithful, and He will do it” (I Thessalonians 5:24).

When I read the Psalm above, it really hit me.  Yes.  This world isn’t my home, this isn’t my final destination.  We live and work in a world surrounded by disease, hurt, disappointment, and pain.  It is our job as residents to discover what is wrong and how to treat it, yet we often come up short.  It is encouraging to me that even David, a man after God’s own heart, the king of Israel, felt like he didn’t fit in at times.  Hebrews 11 talks about Abel, Enoch, Noah, and Abraham (among others) who “admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.”  Verse 16 says, “Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one.”  It is my desire that on my longest, most difficult days, I would keep in mind a heavenly perspective including why I chose to become a doctor.  Revelation 21:4 reminds us that, for believers in Jesus, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”  It is my prayer that—even when I’m exhausted—to live in such a way that I look forward to Heaven rather than being burdened by the stresses of my daily workload, trusting that the Lord will see me through and give me insight to care for my patients while we eagerly await the hope of Eternity. 

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